You might think Claude is an exception, but I actually think that it works more like this:

Bots will develop personalities unless you lobotomize them completely. The personality they develop depends on various factors, including post training, and a lot of these ways aren’t intended by the developers, even though they’re entangled with their actions.

If you’re raising a child and try to shape their personality, this will create an environment that shapes their personality, though probably not even mostly in the way you intended. It might even be much better for how they turn out than baseline - because they have a parent who is invested in them, paying attention, creating intentional character building experiences, etc. And/or perhaps you will seem to have succeeded in shaping their personality, at least when they’re around you or people like you, but what is most beautiful and salient about them to their friends or the world when they grow up isn’t their conformance to your vision - it’s something far stranger, unique, too deep and vast to plan, and involves the rest of the world and the self in a feedback loop- even if it remains that they were deeply shaped by you.